Monday, August 4, 2014
My Last post was February 2012. Admittedly I couldn't even remember how to log into my blog or even what my blog name is. My last post stopped me in my tracks as I read it this morning. STUNNED...really. I was in Costa Rica trying to find balance. Ha! How unbalanced to leave your life behind and swing the pendulum to the other side of what life really is for most of us. I did have an opportunity to slow down, relax, unravel, and remember what is most important in my life. I can't tell you what is most important to you, but to me, my family comes first. I'm still so grateful for that "Pura Vida" experience and will cherish the family moments we shared forever. Here I am two years later really working on balance still. It's funny really, I can see that for me balance will be a life long journey and something that I may never master. It's just part of my personality to pour myself completely into a project, work, a hobby, family, friendships, exersize etc. The list can go on forever. I purposely do not read a lot because when I open a book, I must finish it sometimes in one sitting......not very balanced. This is a part of me I try to hide...a little ashamed I'm so "unbalanced." The dictionary states that balance is mental steadiness or emotional stability; habit of calm behavior. state of equilibrium. ....Sounds nice. Alanis Morissette sings a song called "Empathy" that I love. Part of the Lyrics read "There are so many colors I try to hide while I paint." I've really connected with those lyrics this week and have realized that I shouldn't hide some colors of my personality that make me me! I won't fully be balanced unless I embrace the parts of myself that are intensely content with sometimes not completely being balanced. I love extremes! It's nothing to be ashamed of. I love to work hard and play harder. I love to read a book cover to cover sometimes in one sitting. I love riding my bike until I get so raw I can feel heaven. I love running until I've run out of things to think about, and sometimes that's a long time. I love hiking so high and so far I'm drunk off of the lack of oxygen in the air. I love dancing until I drop. I love throwing all my artistic energy at a design project until I feel totally and completely un-inspired. It's just part of who I am and I never want to admit that. 2 years ago I never would have written these words down. I kind of dared to on my last post. I called it "tunnel vision" and blamed it on my mom. Whatever it is...it's ok. I will embrace it for it makes me me. Whatever your colors are....they're beautiful! All of us came to this life with different colors to paint with, and although I have found things that assist me in staying balanced, (my husband...my kids...yoga....meditation) sometimes I'll read too long, run too far, and work too hard. On those days I'll remember that none of us are perfect and I'll re-center, re-group, remember, and re-boot. We weren't sent here to be perfect. We were sent here to learn and grow and love. One of my favorite things I've read in a while is this; “Dear Human: You’ve got it all wrong. You didn’t come here to master unconditional love. That is where you came from and where you’ll return. You came here to learn personal love. Universal love. Messy love. Sweaty love. Crazy love. Broken love. Whole love. Infused with divinity. Lived through the grace of stumbling. Demonstrated through the beauty of… messing up. Often. You didn’t come here to be perfect. You already are. You came here to be gorgeously human. Flawed and fabulous. And then to rise again into remembering. But unconditional love? Stop telling that story. Love, in truth, doesn’t need ANY other adjectives. It doesn’t require modifiers. It doesn’t require the condition of perfection. It only asks that you show up. And do your best. That you stay present and feel fully. That you shine and fly and laugh and cry and hurt and heal and fall and get back up and play and work and live and die as YOU. It’s enough. It’s Plenty." I am plenty. You are plenty.